okay this is my story again, here goes.(made some spelling mistakes on the other one and it annoyed me)
so this is quite scary writing this because i never really share anything that`s quite deep, just want all heartbeats to know im here for them.
my life was really normal and just great until 2009 when my dad was hit with lung cancer (and yes he did smoke) he was only 40 years old when he was diagnosed. he was so strong he battled through it for 2 years and he really was determined that he was going to get better but it spread and he lost his life in 2011 aged 42. just before he died Jessie released her who you are album and i just remember him constantly singing `who you are` to me to try and make me feel better about myself and to know that everything was going to be okay, so whenever i hear the song now all i can hear is my dad singing it over and over to me and it gives me a sort of reassurance that he`s with me everyday looking down on me. So I was 15 when I lost my dad and my sister was 9, my mum was a complete mess obviously and she developed depression and I had to go and live with my nana for a little while until she got better. He didn`t have a funeral song written down in his will so I sang who you are but broke down and couldn`t do it anymore, for me that was my life over. I went back to school a few months after and I got bullied really bad people used to say that it was my dads own fault that he died because he didn`t look after his health etc etc so I stopped going to school, I sat in my room all day everyday with Jessie on repeat crying my eyes out but then I realised that my dad wouldn`t want me to be upset, he`d want me to live my life to the full and not waste it, so from that point I got stronger and just stepped outside and was me, I didn`t care what people thought anymore I already knew life was a bitch so fuck it. I got home from school one day and received the news that my uncle had passed away, he was involved in a car crash and died instantly I just wasn`t me anymore, I stopped eating which caused more bullying `anorexic, twig, skinny bitch` blah blah and i tried to end my life, I ended up in hospital for a week under special supervision because nobody trusted me, I didn`t trust myself. This was around the time when Jessie was performing who you are live, so I went on a laptop as soon as I got home and watched her speeches and still today I watch them when I need to get my strength up because they`re what has helped me through life. I look back fondly on my dad and my uncle and know that they had amazing life`s and I had amazing memories with them, so I just remember that and it gets me through.
A few months ago I was run over and had a bad head injury which caused me to be in hospital for 2 months in total, and I`ve said to many people that that was my dad wanting me to be with him and then I realised how selfish I was thinking that because he`d never want to hurt my mum and my sister, but I am trying to live life to the full now, I am out of hospital and smiling everyday and that`s all because of Jessie being the biggest inspiration ever, no way would I still be here if it wasn`t for her music and her speeches.
So I just want all heartbeats to know that I am 100% here for you all and I love you all so much, don`t bottle anything up, please come and talk to me.
Wow that was scary x
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